Wednesday November 21, 2012
We land in Utah. The flight and trip through the airport is uneventful.
I call her to tell her we are out front waiting.
I see her van and grab both of my babies and run over.
I put the luggage, stroller and our belongings in the back of the van.
I see her for the first time in 8 months.
She is in pain, but smiling from ear to ear. She is with her sweetie girl and her handsome grandson.
Wednesday evening
I come home from running errands. Getting her Thanksgiving grocery list taken care of.
She is pale and her skin is cold and clammy.
She is walking with her walker and her voice is slow and quiet.
I insist on taking her to Instacare. She says it can wait until after I eat my dinner. I tell her I can eat when we get home. That's what microwaves are for.
I tell my Dad and swear under my breath at his response.
I help her in the car, carrying her legs so she doesn't have to lift them.
Instacare is closed.
I take her to the Emergency Room.
I fill out paperwork, ask her questions. Questions I feel I should already know.
They take her back to the room. Room 9.
The TV is on and it is driving her crazy.
The pain is really getting bad.
She never complains, but she is begging for relief.
Lortab...does nothing.
They do an ultrasound of her leg...nothing.
They think it's a blood clot.
It's not.
She wishes it was so the pain would have a reason for being there. So that my Dad wouldn't be upset for her having to be in the ER.
They take blood and put an IV in.
Waiting
Waiting
More waiting.
She is begging to die.
I start to cry.
I'm standing in the doorway watching for a nurse or a Dr. Someone to give us some answers.
They give her a shot of morphine.
It does nothing but make her sleepy.
This is serious.
I'm afraid she will fall out of the chair.
She can't get comfortable.
She won't lay down.
What am I going to do if she falls?
Finally the Dr. comes in.
They can't do a CT scan. Her kidney function isn't normal.
They paged the Neuro Radiologist.
They don't know when he'll be here.
It's 9:30 PM
I haven't eaten since 11:00 AM
The Neuro Radiologist seems kind and I feel comfortable leaving.
He tells me to be back in 45 minutes.
I leave and call my sister.
She says we should trade places because my babies are still awake and need me.
But before I can get home, my Dad has left to be with her.
I feel bad for leaving her.
I feel guilty for leaving her.
I got 4 hours alone with her.
I tried to help her and make her smile.
She was just in so much pain.
Thursday November 22, 2012
She is in the ICU. She has a severe infection.
3 to 5 day hospital stay.
Thanksgiving is going on as planned.
Aidan and I take a nap.
We eat dinner.
Katie, Walter and I go to see her at the Hospital.
Ivie isn't old enough, so she can't go.
They tell us that she's doing much better and is on the 3rd floor.
I call my dad to tell him the great news.
She's not on the 3rd floor.
The nurse apologizes. She heard the wrong name.
We find her in room 10.
She is hooked up to machines.
She is on a bi-pap machine.
She is sleeping.
Cruel cruel nurse.
We watch her sleep.
The nurse tells us she's septic.
Katie starts to cry.
Walter tells the nurse that his dad just passed away from Sepsis.
The nurse wakes my Mom.
"Pat, your kids are here."
She wakes up.
She looks scared.
She asks about Thanksgiving and if we found the recipes we needed.
I hold her hand and kiss her face.
My dad arrives.
Katie and Walter leave.
She asks my dad and I to pull her up in the bed.
She's holding my hand so tight.
She's squeezing both our hands so so tight.
I tell her to relax.
She says, "I am relaxed!"
It's hard to hear her through the machines.
I tell her we'll come see her tomorrow.
I tell her I love her.
She says, "I love you too."
Friday November 23, 2012
We wake up later than usual.
My dad tells me that she is worse and that visiting hours are over for now, so I can't go see her until noon.
I take the kids to IHOP.
Ivie wants to go to Build a Bear.
We head to Sandy Utah.
I text Ryan to tell him that she is worse and I don't think she's going to make it.
Driving to Sandy my mind starts to wander.
Funeral
Life without her.
NO!
I pick up my order in Sandy and we head to Build a Bear.
My phone rings.
It's Amy.
I know why she's calling.
"Mom just died. You probably want to get to the hospital."
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pull the car over.
I have to tell Ivie.
I get out of the car so I can hold her and hug her and kiss her.
I tell her we have to go to the hospital.
I am crying, but I have to drive.
I call Ryan.
He lets out a cry of anguish.
The same cry my heart is making.
I tell him I need to get off the phone so I can drive safely.
I call Kristie.
We get to the hospital.
I charge into the ICU.
I have 2 children under the age of 14 with me.
I do not care.
We get to the door.
Room 10
We go in.
Ivie sees her and runs out crying.
My Dad goes after Ivie.
I run to her side.
She looks like she is sleeping.
I grab her arm. She is still warm.
She is gone.
